Writer
Following a successful (but unsatisfying) career as a
cowboy fashion
model, Keith Landau dabbled briefly in children's television
and some low budget Canadian tickling videos.
"But I had a hankerin' fer sumfin' diff'rent," Keith tells us. That something different was high stakes poker.
He took his life savings, auctioned off his priceless collection of Winnie The Pooh sex toys, mortgaged his wife and sold what is widely considered to be a world record (though unrecognized by Guinness) 1.4 gallons of his own semen in a 6-month time period. With that stake, Keith entered the World Series Of Poker.
"I lost the entire 50 grand in the first round," he says. "My family left me. My grandma wouldn't return my calls. Even Scott Baio pretended to not know me. Come on! Scot Baio? Are you serious? How bad is that?"
Destitute and unable to find work even in snuff films, Keith hit the absolute rock bottom: he began writing and performing comedy. Unprepared for this line of work, Keith frequently pulled rusty knives on hecklers. Oddly, audiences loved his schtick, and soon Keith was stabbing one or two people every night.
However, with legal bills piling up Keith had to clean up his show, and, as he says, "... a clean Keith is not an easy sell." He began billing himself as "Extreme Pauly Shore" and managed to pick up occasional stand-up gigs at mortuaries and insane asylums.
In late 2002, Keith made a guest appearance on Marty's Corner. Just a week before, Marty had "fired" (some are still not accounted for) 15 members of his 100-man writing army and was looking for some new meat. Marty liked what he saw in Keith's performance, so Keith was called in for a "private audition." An hour later, sweating and smelling of guacamole, he was offered the job of staff writer. Not realizing that the show paid its staff with rabbit pellets, Keith signed a ten year contract.
Keith is a Gemini. His favorite sandwich is the Monte Cristo. His favorite actor/singer/fragrance is Beyonce. His favorite color is mauve. He writes stories for Hustler's Busty Beauties under the pen name "Curious Jorge." His sheets are 300 thread count. And, ladies, to answer your questions: boxers, Tanya, left, 9, doggy, Dan Marino, Tanya, plastic, Quebec, ribbed, Tanya.
Quebec, indeed.
