Stage Manager
Longtime Oxnardian and
ethical carjacker, Mandy came to prominence in the early part
of this century as the high-profile trial lawyer who succeeded in getting Dana Carvey deported back to Canada,
a decision later overturned in a controversial 5-4 Supreme
Court ruling (Carvey vs. Tostitos). Following that,
Mandy leased a storefront, opened a dojo and began training
her army of superbabes. When that failed
(despite them being both super and babes) she became a
tobacconist.
Mandy eventually landed on the PBS reality series "Shakespearean Apprentice." As all 27 viewers remember she seemed a sure winner, until misquoting Lady Macbeth on episode 9 ("We fail! But screw your courage to the sticking-place, you skanky skankasaurus..."). Mandy soon heard those ghastly words: "Thou art fired, m'lady."
But this is not a Baroque tragedy, dear readers. On the set of "Shakespearean Apprentice" Mandy had met and was being pursued romantically by cameraman/candyman/ornithologist Patrick Stephens. Though tempted by Patrick's charms, she had recently broken off with Kyle Lovett (no relation?) and wasn't ready for a new man, especially one without a sweet and soulful singing voice. But Patrick's persistence, stalking and kidnappings finally convinced her. She agreed to marry Patrick under one condition. As a rabid viewer of "Marty's Corner", Mandy assumed a show that spectacular must pay its crew in the low six figures, so she insisted he drive down to Marty's Corner Worldwide Headquarters and get a job as cameraman.
Marty was initially hesitant about hiring Patrick. The show had thrived for nearly a decade using robots and genetically enhanced orangutans. Marty was convinced finally when he saw Patrick's short film, "Cheese Vendetta: How Hickory Farms Killed My Grandma."
Soon thereafter, as an expensive favor for her husband, Mandy was hired as the stage manager for Marty's Corner. She quickly assumed command in a frightening series of behind-the-scene maneuvers that left many crew members weeping openly for their mommies (well, not Nate but everyone else). Despite her seemingly power-hungry tactics she says she is not after Marty's job. "He has a job on the show? What? He makes fun of Star Jones. Ooh, impressive. Like it's tough to miss a target that big. Trust me, when I take over, the world will be a far, far better place."
Mandy is a Libra who prefers spearmint to wintergreen. She drives a military surplus Hummer, complete with gun mounts and fondue pot. She bakes cookies for victims of poetry readings. She once won $23,000 on Wheel Of Fortune but had to forfeit the money when she got into a commercial break fistfight with Vanna White.
